Life is what happens when you are making other plans.
I was happy as a clam on January 14, 2016. I was out with friends and my husband. Laughing, happy, enjoying life.
January 15, 2016. The world caved in around me. At the time, I was confused and devastated. I was fine one moment, and not fine the next. I was in the clutches of a medical mystery. It happened in the blink of an eye. I’m not going to share all the gory details. I was fine, and then….I wasn’t. Scary diagnosis were offered, but they were guesses at best. I had to advocate for myself and ask and ask and ask for help. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or go about my normal daily routines. Who takes care of the caregiver? It was humbling to ask for help. To keep turning towards goodness.
It is taking me a long time to recover from this. Body, mind and spirit still feel fragile. But I’m stronger everyday. I’m processing all of this. Learning to trust my body. Turning towards the goodness.
Because goodness is everywhere and was with me all along. It was in the flowers from my husband. In the calls and visits from friends. It was in the caring professionals who cared for me. Not all the medical people where helpful. And that was painful. What are you supposed to do when the Doctors don’t know what to say? Turn to the goodness.
I had to listen to my body. I want this to be over. But it’s not. I am healing. I am already whole. I keep turning to the goodness. The goodness I find in meditation, in taking a brisk short walk, in being with friends, in cups of tea, in knitting, in being with my family, in journaling and in gratitude.
April 6, 2016. I am here. I am turning to the goodness. Raising my soul to the sun. Learn the lessons. Always turn to the goodness.